Cyberbullying - How Safe Are Your Kids?

Cyber-bullying is defined as "the use of electronic communication to bully a person, typically by sending messages of an intimidating, embarrassing or threatening nature."

Many parents do not think to have detailed conversations with their children about the dangers and repercussions of cyber-bullying.  They focus on the physical safety of their kids (as they should), but fail to realize that in today's technologically advanced society ... children are being terrorized in the safety of their own home, by bullies that can do irreparable damage to a child's psyche.

How bad has cyber-bullying gotten?

• The i-Safe Foundation reports that over 50% of adolescents and teens have reported being bullied online at least once.
• 1 in 3 children report being threatened by someone online.
• 25% of adolescents and teens have reported being repeatedly threatened or harassed online.
• Sadly, 50% of kids, who are cyber-bullied, will not tell their parents out of fear or embarrassment.
• Cyber-bullying crosses all racial, cultural and socio-economic lines.  No group is immune.

So what is a parent to do?  Approach talking about cyber-bullying with the same intensity that you would talking about their physical safety.  Parents should make sure that the lines of communication stay open, and their child feels comfortable telling them anything.  Here are a few things you can do to prevent your child from becoming a victim or helping them once victimized.

• Most importantly, keep all texts, emails or posts that show the content of the bullying and who is sending it.  Tell your child not to erase anything including their reply, if any, back to the the bully.
• File a police report.  Cyber-bullying is a crime and should be approached as such.  Let your child know that if they turn around and bully someone online, they can be criminally charged and that can affect their ability to qualify for scholarships and future employment.
• Talk to the school administration and make them aware of the situation and see if they can intervene or arrange a meeting with the bully's parents. Cyberbullies' parents often are unaware of what their child is doing online and oftentimes can put a stop to it if informed.
• Block the cyber bully's IP address or phone number.  Call the bully's Internet provider or cell phone company and report them for harassment also.  Some may help, other may not, but at least there is a paper trail if the harassment continues, and the bully is eventually criminally prosecuted.
• Invest in a family friendly router that can be programmed to avoid certain sites, trigger on pre-programmed words and be controlled through your cell phone.  Invest in software that can re-create keystrokes so you can see what your child is writing to whom even if they delete the message.
• Teach your child to not share anything personal online!  Once it is written or uploaded online, it's there forever.  Tell them whenever they use a computer, tablet or their cell phone, to act as if you are standing behind them watching what they write and share.  This is especially important with teens, as teens have been tricked into sharing inappropriate pictures or sexting messages that later are used to blackmail or embarrass the teen.
• Until your child has graduated from high school, you should have access to all of their social media accounts and cell phone accounts.  If they password protect anything, they must give you the correct password or lose access to that account.  Have them sign a digital contract where you lay out the terms they are to adhere to in using the Internet and social media.  Create your own accounts and friend them on social media to see what they post and what is posted about them.  Don't fall for their complaints that you're invading their privacy!  You are their parent, not their friend and it is your job to act accordingly.

Cyber-bullying has spiraled and spread in the last decade. You can find worldwide cases of cyber-bullying that range from elementary school children being mean all the way to harassment at the most prestigious work places.  No matter who the intended victim is, it will hurt and can leave lasting emotional scars.  

One thing everyone should realize is that cyberbullies are weak people, that hide behind keyboards and social media, to try and exert influence or pain on others they are generally jealous of or dislike. They are essentially cyber terrorists. So please take any case of cyber-bullying against anyone in your family, as you would a real physical terrorist threat, and deal with it quickly and decisively before it escalates to another level.

"Remember if you fail to plan, Plan to fail"

A Halloween Safety Checklist

(This is a photo of drugs made to look like candy)

Halloween is a fun and exciting holiday for children everywhere!  It is estimated that almost 94 percent of children between the ages of four and twelve will participate in Halloween activities this year.  Picking out the perfect costume, carving pumpkins, and trick of treating for candy, makes Halloween one of the most popular holidays besides Christmas.  But for many parents, Halloween brings anxiety because of the potential dangers their children could face, as many child predators use this time of year to try and entice unsuspecting children into their homes.  By teaching children a few safety tips, parents can ensure that their children have a fun and safe Halloween!

1. NEVER allow young children to go out alone!  Even if they want to go with a group of their friends, young children under the age of 12 should ALWAYS be accompanied by an adult.  Older children should go as a group and stay together at ALL times!
2. Choose light or brightly colored flame retardant costumes, so the child can be seen by drivers.  Add reflective tape and have them carry a glow stick or flashlight to increase visibility.  Choose face paint instead of masks, so that the child's vision won't be obstructed.
3. Only trick or treat in familiar neighborhoods with well-lit streets.  Avoid dark streets and secluded homes.
4. ALWAYS walk a young child to the door to receive their goodies, and NEVER allow a child to enter someone's home for any reason.
5. Children should be taught to walk on the sidewalks and use crosswalks.  Children under 12 should not cross the street without an adult.
6. If your child is going as part of a group, make sure they know their home phone number and address in case they become separated from the group.  Check to see if someone in the group has a cell phone.  Also, teach them how to properly call 911.
7. Teach your child not to approach anyone in a vehicle who tries to call out to them.  Tell them to back away from the car and quickly go towards the nearest adult with children.
8. Tell them to scream loudly, "Kidnapper! Call the Police!  Someone please help me!" if someone tries to grab them away from their group.  This will garner the attention of all adults within earshot.  Also, have someone in the group carry a loud whistle to blow if they are attacked, and tell all of the kids to yell for help and fight back if someone is trying to abduct one of them.
9. Instead of going house to house on unfamiliar streets, consider organizing a block party with your neighbors where the kids could stay in your immediate area and have fun.
10. Check all of your child's treats for signs of tampering, before allowing them to eat any of the goodies.  If it is unwrapped, faded, smells funny or just doesn't look right - THROW IT AWAY!  Please be aware that there are unscrupulous people out there, that have made drugs that look like candy and could make your kid seriously sick or worse.

Child safety is important every day of the year, and parents should be vigilant at all times.  But on a night like Halloween, parents really need to be aware of their surroundings, and know that some child predators have planned for months on how they will take advantage of a child.  Many police agencies visit known sex offenders prior to Halloween night to remind them not to decorate or give out candy.  Sadly, not all sex offenders are properly registered and some will slip through the cracks waiting to strike again.

Does Your Child Walk From School Alone?

Unfortunately, everyday thousands of children have to walk home from school alone.  Parents are not always able to pick their child up from school or the child has to walk a good distance from a bus stop.  No matter what the circumstance is that causes your child to have to walk alone, please teach them the following steps to stay safe on their journey:

• First, your child should try to make friends with another child or group of children that are walking the same route.  Teach them that there is safety in numbers.  This rule applies whether they are going to the restroom at school, walking home, going to the mall, etc.
• Check with a neighbor and see if they are available to pick your child up or at least check in with your child when they get home.
• Remind your children that adults should never ask them for help.  They are a child.  Adults should always ask other adults for help, so tell your child to not feel guilty about walking away from an adult.
• Tell your child if they are ever approached by someone they don't know (please don't say stranger*), they should remember the 3 B's.

• Get Back - As the person approaches them, the child should take 4 big steps backward.  If the adult continues toward the child after they have stepped back, the child should hold up their hand and loudly state, "Stay Back!"

• Run Back -  If that doesn't stop the forward progress of the adult, at this point the child should run as fast as they can to a safe place (back to school, a neighbor's house, library, neighborhood store, etc).  As they are running they should scream, "Kidnapper! Call the Police!" over and over as loud as they can.

• Fight Back -  If they are unable to run, or is the adult grabs them, this is when the child must fight back with everything they have.  You have to make your child understand that their life depends on this and they are to kick, scratch, scream, bite and do everything possible to get away. While they are fighting yell at the top of their lungs, "Kidnapper! Call the Police!"  This phrase is better to yell because it instantly garners any surrounding adults attention.

We mentioned earlier that you shouldn't tell your kids to never talk to strangers.  Why is this?  Most kids do not understand which adults should be 'classified' as strangers.  And if you ask a group of 50 young kids to describe what a stranger looks like, you will get a wide range of descriptive answers, but few will say it's someone they don't know.

Hopefully, your child will never have to experience a frightening experience like this, but you always want to prepare your child ahead of time for anything.  If you have discussed it and given them a plan of action, they are less likely to freeze and be a docile victim.

Remember - "If you fail to prepare them, Prepare to fail them!"

#safeandunafraid #mvacaunited