Monday, June 27, 2016

The SafeParent Application

Keeping your child safe is the number one priority for most parents. Child abuse cases are on the rise, bullying and cyber-bullying from other students is a daily occurrence, and an increasing number of cases involving inappropriate teacher-child relationships can overload a parent's child safety radar. 

According to the U.S. Department of Justice, approximately 90% of abused children are molested by someone already known to the child or family. The molester can be anyone from a relative, neighbor, teacher, coach to the maintenance man that fixes things in their home. There is no specific character traits to identify them.

Recently, there was a new app released, that could make it much easier to keep a child from becoming a victim of sexual abuse. The app is called SafeParent and it was created by Jeff Herman, a child advocate and attorney for victims of sexual abuse. Herman realized that children could be better protected from predators, if their parents knew how to recognize the grooming techniques of potential abusers and respond quickly.

The SafeParent app was designed to encourage open communication between parents and their child, and also to help parents be more aware of potential danger and pitfalls. Parents can take the quiz first, and then they are encouraged to take the quiz with their kids. Some parents may be surprised at some of their kids answers, and quickly realize that there is potentially inappropriate behavior occurring between their child and another adult. After all of the questions are answered, the quiz is scored on the SafeParent meter by calculating a concern score ranging from low to immediate threat. If someone makes your child feel uncomfortable or you are uncomfortable with them after taking the quiz, take steps to insure your child is not left alone with that person.

The SafeParent app is free to download and should be on every parent's phone. You can find SafeParent on Itunes or the Google play store. For more information about Jeff Herman and his law firm go to www.hermanlaw.com. For additional tips on how to talk to your child about safety and other child safety topics, go to www.mvacaunited.org.  #safeandunafraid

Friday, June 24, 2016

Tips to survive a mass shooting

Imagine sitting at your desk on a Friday afternoon thinking about the weekend, and suddenly you hear gun shots and screaming.  What is your first reaction?  Or perhaps you’re in a crowded restaurant and someone brandishes a gun and starts firing at the crowd.  Do you run?  Do you hide?  Do you fight back? What would your child do if faced with a school shooting?  Have you talked to them?
These are scenarios that most people never think about, and fortunately most will never have to deal with in their lifetime.  But as workplace violence and public shootings increase, everyone should take a moment to think about what would be their best option for survival if faced with this scenario.
As hard as it may be, parents need to have a talk with their children about what to do if there was ever a shooter at their school.  Here are some simple safety tips you can modify according to your child’s age:
  1. First and foremost, stress that if they ever hear rumors that someone is threatening to do something bad, like shooting, they MUST tell an administrator, their parents, call in anonymously to a tip line, etc.  The key is…If they know or hear something, say something.  The life they save may well be their own.
  2. Next, they should understand that everyone is going to be scared, including their teacher. But they have to be quiet (no screaming), so they can hear instructions from their teacher or administrators.  Parents should also inquire if the school practices lock-down procedures during the year.
  3. If they are older kids, tell them if they can safely leave the building, without being detected, they should always take that option.  And please leave their valuables behind.  No one’s life is worth a back pack, purse or cellphone.  Run as fast and far as they can.
  4. If they are unable to flee, lock the classroom door and turn off the lights. If the door has a door butler (metal hinge at the top of the door), loop a belt around it and tighten.  This will hinder a shooter from being able to open the door.  Everyone inside the room should get as horizontal as possible, stay calm and hide.
  5. During the initial moments, someone should be designated to call 9-1-1.  Most shootings continue for 5 minutes or more before someone calls the police.  If you cannot reach a phone, see if anyone has a lighter that can be held under a sprinkler to activate the sprinkler system thus alerting the fire department.
  6. And I cannot stress how important it is for everyone to be quiet and stay as calm as possible.  Crying, screams and the like will only draw the shooter’s attention towards them.
  7. Even if the shooting appears to have stopped, everyone should stay hidden until law enforcement comes in to escort them out.
The safety tips for parents faced with workplace or public setting violence is similar:
  1. Whenever you walk into a building or public venue, make a mental note of where the nearest exits are and any alternate exits.
  2. Once a shooting starts, the first option should always be to flee the area if possible.  If you are unable to safely get out the danger zone, look for a good hiding place as low to the ground as possible. Women should take off high heel shoes or shoes that make noise.  Leave all valuables behind.  No purse, wallet or cellphone is worth dying for.
  3. As you are looking for a hiding place, keep your eyes open for any items that can possibly be used as weapons.
  4. Once concealed, turn the ringer off on your cell phone or any other electronics that may make noise and draw attention in your direction. Do not simply slide your ringer to vibrate because even that could give your location away.  If you are able, send a text to the local police line or text a family member and ask them to call the police for you.  You have to concentrate on staying as quiet as possible.
  5. If you are in a room with a door butler, secure it with a belt.  Lock the door and turn off the lights in a confined room.  If you can successfully barricade the door, without making too much noise, then use this option.  Please understand you will also be blocking your potential escape route.
  6. Use a cigarette lighter or matches to set off the fire alarm.  This will alert the fire department and also cause emergency personnel to be dispatched to your location.
  7. If you are trapped in an office, try to conceal yourself by hiding under your desk or behind a file cabinet.  Be prepared with scissors, an ink pen or a sharp object to defend yourself if necessary.  In this scenario, the best option would be to try and attack as a group to overpower the gunman. You are fighting for your life, so fight dirty.  Aim for the gunman’s eyes, throat or any other vulnerable area you can reach to stop the attack.  Remember, you are fighting to stay alive, so don’t worry about what damage you may cause your attacker.  Strike hard, often and don’t let up!
  8. Playing dead or pleading with the gunman should be a last resort.  In recent shootings, gunmen have shot “dead” bodies multiple times to insure no one is pretending to be dead.  Also, trying to engage a gunman by pleading is usually unsuccessful because of their state of mind.
  9. Once the shooting has stopped, or if you get an opportunity to flee, leave the premises with your hands up in the air so the police can see that your hands are empty and do not mistake you for the gunman trying to flee the scene.  Listen carefully to all of their instructions.
School, public and workplace violence is very scary.  *Approximately one third of all mass shootings in the world have occurred in the U.S.  Pretending it doesn’t exist or thinking it will never happen to you or your family is no longer an option.  Your best chance of staying safe is to be alert to any potential dangers and be aware of escapes routes or hiding places when in public venues.
Remember, “If you fail to plan, Plan to fail!”

How to freeze your child's credit report

As of January 1, 2016, parents now have the ability to place a security freeze on their child’s credit report.  A security or credit freeze is one of the best ways a parent can insure that criminals or other family members will not be able to use or establish credit in any child’s name under the age of 16.
Children’s credit is especially alluring to unscrupulous individuals because it is a clean slate.  Stealing a child’s identity is easier than you think.  All a criminal would need is the child’s social security number and they can falsify any other needed information.
Where would they get access to this information?  The main culprit is through school related activities.  Registering for school, summer camps, insurance forms and other activities provides criminals with access to a wealth of information.  Even the IRS was recently hacked and millions of social security numbers were stolen from tax returns, including children’s social security numbers.
What can they do with the stolen social security numbers?  The thief will establish credit cards, set up utility services, rent a house or apartment or any number of credit dependent activities.  The theft is usually not discovered until the child is older and trying to apply for credit themselves, a parent happens to run a credit report or a bill comes in the mail in the child’s name.  The youngest reported identity theft victim was one month old.
What can you do to protect your child’s future credit?
  1. Take advantage of getting a free report from each of the 3 credit bureaus yearly. To get the max value out of this benefit, space out the requests. For example, in January, request a report from Equifax, then maybe in May request one from Experian, and finally in September get one from Transunion.  This is a prudent practice to do yearly with your own credit reports as well!
  2. Contact each of the credit bureaus, either online or by mail and request that a freeze be placed on your child’s credit file. Please be aware that it may cost up to $5 per bureau to get the freeze in place, but it is well worth the money.
  3. When setting up the freeze, establish a PIN or password that is known only to you and your spouse. By doing this step, it will trigger an alert whenever someone tries to access their file or establish credit in their name. The inquiring entity will be denied and advised that the file is frozen. When your child is older and ready to establish credit, you can lift the freeze via the password or PIN, so do not forget or lose the information.  Put a copy of this info and the date established in a safe place.
  4. If offers have come in already offering credit in their name or to stop future offers from starting, you can stop most credit offers by going to optoutprescreen.com or call (888) 5-OPT-OUT.
These methods may not be 100% fool-proof, (especially if a family member is involved), but it can make it harder for someone to ruin your child’s credit before they get to adulthood.

Child ID Theft Prevention

Most parents don’t think about their child’s credit file while their child is young.  Parent’s days are filled with ensuring their child’s physical safety and providing emotional support.  But with today’s economy making people more desperate and bold, along with the current laws regulating credit, more children are becoming victims of identity theft.
According to a study done in 2011 by Id Analytics, approximately 10 percent of children are victims of id theft or social security number abuse compared to less than 1 percent of adults!  Since many companies aren’t required to cross-check a creditor’s name, birthdate and social security number, it leaves the door open for anyone to fraudulently open credit cards, loans and other types of credit in a child’s name.  It is up to parents or the child’s guardians to check the child’s credit file on a regular basis.  Here are some simple steps to follow:
  1. Contact the credit bureaus (Equifax, Experian and TransUnion). Ask for a manual search using your child’s name and social security number.
  2. Watch for credit offers in your child’s name that come in the mailThis is usually indicative that there may be existing credit somewhere and should be a red flag.
  3. Teach your children that they are NEVER to share information such as birthdates, addresses and social security numbers with anyone outside the family or without your permission.
  4. Monitor who they interact with via text, social networks and emails.
  5. If you should find that someone has fraudulently opened credit in your child’s name, file a fraud alert and request a credit freeze immediately with each credit agency. Next, call your local police department and file a report.
  6. After the credit company and the police have completed their investigation, they may be able to bring criminal charges and prosecute the person who stole your child’s identity. Be sure to ask the court and law enforcement for a certificate of clearance.  Be sure it is included in each agency’s files on your child and include a written statement.
Child safety involves more than just a child’s physical safety from child predators and bullies.  In today’s technological age, parents have to be vigilant to the cyber threats a child may face when interacting online.  With just a little misplaced information, a criminal can wreak havoc on your child’s future credit when they reach adulthood and make their lives difficult.  So enlist your child’s help now, to protect their future, by teaching them the importance of information discretion!

What can a dollar buy you? A safer home!

Every year police investigate countless home invasions and burglaries. Sometimes, the homeowners are hurt or even killed.  Other times, valuable items and family heirlooms are stolen and lost forever.
In either case, how many of these scenarios could have been avoided, if the homeowner had just invested $1 to buy new screws for the door plates to their front and back doors? I would venture to say at least half.  Why?  Because, burglars are opportunists.  They like crimes of convenience and a quick entry and exit, making as little noise as possible.  If the door is too hard to kick in, or there are obvious cameras and home security measures, they most likely will move on to the next house.
So let’s talk about this inexpensive item, that will probably take you less than 15 minutes to install.  First, go to your local hardware store and buy (4) 3-inch wood screws.  These screws are going to replace the standard 1/2 inch screws your builder originally used.  You may need a drill to get the screws in because you will be screwing these into the frame and attach to the 2×4 studs.
Once these screws are installed, and in combination with a good deadbolt, you have just increased your chances that a burglar will become frustrated trying to kick in your door, if you are ever targeted.  Also, if the burglar is stubborn and determined to break in, this will definitely slow them down, draw attention to them, and give you time to call for help, get a weapon, hide or escape through another exit.
I don’t know about you, but I can’t see why anyone won’t run out today and install these screws.  Anything I can do to increase my odds of staying safe in my home, is money well spent!
Remember, as my good friend Frank, a retired NYPD policeman once told me, “If you fail to plan, then plan to fail!”
#SafeandUnafraid

Do you recognize the signs of child abuse?

Many parents are not aware that there are different categories of child abuse and neglect.  Here are just a few of the physical and behavioral changes you may see in a child who is a victim of abuse and/or neglect.
Please familiarize yourself with the signs and understand that there may be more than one type of abuse or neglect occurring within the home.  Be prepared to step up and help the child.  It is NOT okay to simply stand by and do nothing!  To report suspected abuse, call your local police department, Child Protective Services or the National Child Abuse Hotline at 1-800-4-A-CHILD and let them investigate.  You may save a child’s life!
Signs of Physical Abuse
  • Unexplained burns, bite marks, cuts, bruises or welts on the body or face
  • Flinches at sudden movements or shies away from being touched or hugged
  • Anti-social behavior or withdrawn
  • Problems in school or suddenly bullying their peers
  • Unexplained fear of adults
Signs of Emotional Abuse
  • General apathy about everything or reverts to infantile behavior (thumb sucking, throwing temper tantrums, etc.)
  • Depression and loss of interest in former favorite activities
  • Hostility or stress
  • Inability to concentrate
  • Overly anxious or fearful about doing something wrong
Signs of Neglect
  •  Wearing unsuitable clothing for the current season or temperature
  • Appearing dirty and unkempt or always hungry
  • Frequently late or missing school
  • Apparent lack of adult supervision and guidance
 Signs of Sexual Abuse
  •  Inappropriate interest or knowledge of sexual acts
  • Nightmares and bedwetting
  • Overeager to please or excessive outward aggression
  • Drastic changes in behavior and appetite
  • Intense fear of interacting or being alone with a particular family member or another individual
  • Trouble walking or sitting
Remember if you see something, say something!  It’s better to be wrong in a case like this, than to be right and do nothing!

Children and Bullying

There isn’t a school in America that hasn’t had some child experience a form of bullying.  You can also go to any preschool in a city and see what we call bullies-in-the-making.  These are little preschool children that don’t play well with other kids and they bite, scratch or hit their classmates when they don’t get their way or because they didn’t get a particular toy, etc.
Bullying can be defined in various ways.  For example, physically hurting another person by kicking, punching or shoving them, teasing a person unmercifully about a physical attribute or mental handicap, intimidating someone to do one’s bidding against their will or spreading lies or rumors about another person.  Cyberbullying usually involves spreading rumors or embarrassing information about someone, sending them hateful or racist messages/pictures via text message, emails, blogs or any type of social media.
Regardless of the manner used to bully someone, it is equally hurtful and damaging to a person’s emotional and sometimes physical health.  Here are a few things parents can do if your child is being bullied:
  1. Please do not blame your child or tell them they just need to stand up for themselves. Oftentimes the bully is physically bigger and intimidating.  Keep in mind that your child is a VICTIM!
  2. If the bullying is occurring at your child’s school, call the school and make them aware of the situation. Ask the school to define their policy on bullying and request a copy in writing. Also, ask what procedures they have to deter further incidents of bullying.  Make sure you address all of your requests and complaints about the bullying incident to the school principal in writing and make notes regarding any conversations regarding the situation between you and any school official.
  3. If the bullying occurs again after you have contacted the school, report the incidents to law enforcement. If your child has been physically assaulted or threatened with bodily harm, you should report the incident to law enforcement regardless of the school’s position.
  4. Tell your child that they are not being a ‘snitch’ or tattle telling if someone is bullying. Assure them that there is nothing wrong with them, it is the bully who has a problem.
  5. Encourage your child to stay with groups of people and try not to be alone. Bullies like to strike when there’s no one around to stand up for their victim.  Encourage your child to join a club at school if they’re having trouble making friends so they will not be perceived as being a ‘loner.’
While forms of bullying have been around since the beginning of time, it’s time to step up and take a stand against bullying.  Encourage your child’s school to implement and enforce an anti-bullying program.  Children that are introduced to anti-bullying material at younger ages, tend to not bully others as they grow older.  Help implement ‘Kindness Clubs’ or have your community sponsor a ‘Random Acts of Kindness Week’ to get children and their parents in the mindset of giving and kindness. 
The bottom line is – Bullying is unacceptable and can cause lifelong emotional scars if it is not addressed promptly and in the proper manner.

Tips for Parents to Help Prevent Child Abuse

The last thing parents want to have to think about is the fact that there are sick people in the world, that will do perverted things to children.  They think that if they keep their child with them or family, no harm will ever come to them.
But, a child has to go to school, to the babysitter’s house or play sports.  These areas are supposed to be “safe zones”, but sometimes they provide prime opportunities for a child predator to strike.  Statistics show an increasing problem – 1 in 3 girls and 1 in 7 boys will be molested by their 18th birthday and approximately 85% of the children will already know their attacker.
  1. First and most important, teach your children it is never okay to keep secrets from you!  Don’t even encourage secrets within your family unit, and let them know they can tell you anything.
  2. Talk to your child, and really listen everyday!  Too many parents get wrapped up in their daily work drama, or other distractions, to fully focus on what their child is saying.  If you don’t listen to the little things now, they won’t tell you the big things later!
  3. Teach your children, that they are not to blindly obey everything an adult tells them to do, especially if it feels wrong.  Let them know, that most adults are good people and would never hurt them, but there are a few that don’t have their best interest in mind.  Tell them if someone makes them feel funny or uncomfortable, to let you know immediately!
  4. Please teach your child the correct names for their body parts, even if you use nicknames within the family.  Teach them the difference between good and bad touching.  Explain that a doctor or nurse may have to examine their bodies to see what’s wrong if they’re sick, but it’s not alright for another adult to touch their private parts.  Define private parts as all areas that a bathing suit would cover.  If an adult tries to touch them there say, “NO!”, push them away, and tell a trusted adult or parent right away.
  5. Please do not rely on telling your child, “Don’t talk to strangers” to keep them safe!  It does not work, because studies have shown that children aren’t always sure who to classify as a stranger.
  6. Finally, schedule “what if” game time with your child.  Describe different scenarios a child might find themselves in, and ask your child how they would handle the situation.  Make sure you balance the scenarios between good and bad situations.  By practicing these scenarios, children will have a reference of what they should do if one of these situations arises in the future.
The most important thing a parent must do is to stay vigilant and keep the lines of communication open!

How to bring up safety tips with your child

Parents of small children share a common fear when it comes to discussing “stranger danger” and personal safety with their children. Even when their child becomes a preteen or teenager, some parents still hesitate to discuss unsafe scenarios with their child.  Why?  They are afraid of scaring their children or exposing them to “worldly affairs” too soon.
What is too soon?  It will vary from child to child and unless your child displaying some unnatural fear of everyday realities, a child as young as 3 years old can be taught about personal safety without making it scary.  The most important thing to remember is to make it a matter of fact type of conversation and remain calm but direct.
The key to teaching personal safety to children is repetition.  A parent or care giver must go over the lessons being taught on a regular basis.  The safety lessons should not last more than 10-15 minutes, because will start to tune you out if it goes much longer than that.
Here are some suggested conversation starters that are very simple:
  • What are your friends’ names and where do they live?  It is surprising how many parents can’t tell you who their children are friends with and/or where they live.  Young children may not always be able to give you a street address, but they quickly figure out if their best bud lives in the vicinity.  It is up to you as the parent to meet their friends, arrange to meet the parents, determine if play dates would be appropriate, etc.  Arrange to meet the parents during a play date at a neutral location and don’t be afraid to ask questions.  You should feel comfortable that the kids and parents your child will be exposed to will be an asset to your child’s well-being.  If you do not feel comfortable with the parents and/or child, then insist that your child end the friendship immediately.  Period. End of story.
  • Stress the importance of NEVER keeping secrets with strangers and other adults.  Keeping secrets is a common tactic child predators use to “groom” a child for abuse.  The predator will start with small, simple things like letting them play a video game you wouldn’t approve of or eating candy and treats that Mom wouldn’t give them.  Then, when the child becomes comfortable keeping small secrets, they will begin to introduce them to more sinister scenarios.  The predators will often blackmail or intimidate the child into staying quiet.  They will threaten to harm the child’s parents or the child themselves.  Your child should always feel comfortable enough to come to you when someone makes them uncomfortable, asks them to keep a secret or gets too personal with them.  Make sure you always take time to listen to the small things, because if you don’t, they won’t come to you with the big things when they get older.
  • If they are attending an activity with their friends or classmates, they should understand that they must NEVER wander off alone.  This rule includes going to the restroom.  They should always take at least one friend, to “stand guard” as this will reduce the chance of them being abducted or molested.  Predators look for children that are alone and not paying attention.  Teach them that there is safety in numbers.
  • Develop a family code word and NEVER reveal it to your friends or anyone outside of the family.  The family code word is word known only to your immediate family that must be given if there were an emergency situation and another adult had to pick up your child for transportation.  Teach your child that in addition to being given the code word, they should try and contact you on your cell phone if they still aren’t sure about the situation.  Teach your child to trust their instincts.  Children must understand that they are never to tell their code word to anyone!
These are just a few conversation starters.  We will revisit this subject from time to time to give you additional suggestions.  As your child masters these beginning safety tips, you should add additional rules.
The most important thing to remember is…you must practice, practice, practice these scenarios and other with your kids on a regular basis.  Some parents have developed a habit of reviewing the rules at breakfast/dinner or before bed.  Other parents have made it a game where they give out stars to be redeemed for a future treat or prize.  It doesn’t matter what method you use, just be consistent with the lessons.  Studies have proven that lessons taught by a child’s parent, sink in better than those taught by anyone else, including school safety officers/teachers, police, crime fighters, etc.