Cyberbullying - How Safe Are Your Kids?

Cyber-bullying is defined as "the use of electronic communication to bully a person, typically by sending messages of an intimidating, embarrassing or threatening nature."

Many parents do not think to have detailed conversations with their children about the dangers and repercussions of cyber-bullying.  They focus on the physical safety of their kids (as they should), but fail to realize that in today's technologically advanced society ... children are being terrorized in the safety of their own home, by bullies that can do irreparable damage to a child's psyche.

How bad has cyber-bullying gotten?

• The i-Safe Foundation reports that over 50% of adolescents and teens have reported being bullied online at least once.
• 1 in 3 children report being threatened by someone online.
• 25% of adolescents and teens have reported being repeatedly threatened or harassed online.
• Sadly, 50% of kids, who are cyber-bullied, will not tell their parents out of fear or embarrassment.
• Cyber-bullying crosses all racial, cultural and socio-economic lines.  No group is immune.

So what is a parent to do?  Approach talking about cyber-bullying with the same intensity that you would talking about their physical safety.  Parents should make sure that the lines of communication stay open, and their child feels comfortable telling them anything.  Here are a few things you can do to prevent your child from becoming a victim or helping them once victimized.

• Most importantly, keep all texts, emails or posts that show the content of the bullying and who is sending it.  Tell your child not to erase anything including their reply, if any, back to the the bully.
• File a police report.  Cyber-bullying is a crime and should be approached as such.  Let your child know that if they turn around and bully someone online, they can be criminally charged and that can affect their ability to qualify for scholarships and future employment.
• Talk to the school administration and make them aware of the situation and see if they can intervene or arrange a meeting with the bully's parents. Cyberbullies' parents often are unaware of what their child is doing online and oftentimes can put a stop to it if informed.
• Block the cyber bully's IP address or phone number.  Call the bully's Internet provider or cell phone company and report them for harassment also.  Some may help, other may not, but at least there is a paper trail if the harassment continues, and the bully is eventually criminally prosecuted.
• Invest in a family friendly router that can be programmed to avoid certain sites, trigger on pre-programmed words and be controlled through your cell phone.  Invest in software that can re-create keystrokes so you can see what your child is writing to whom even if they delete the message.
• Teach your child to not share anything personal online!  Once it is written or uploaded online, it's there forever.  Tell them whenever they use a computer, tablet or their cell phone, to act as if you are standing behind them watching what they write and share.  This is especially important with teens, as teens have been tricked into sharing inappropriate pictures or sexting messages that later are used to blackmail or embarrass the teen.
• Until your child has graduated from high school, you should have access to all of their social media accounts and cell phone accounts.  If they password protect anything, they must give you the correct password or lose access to that account.  Have them sign a digital contract where you lay out the terms they are to adhere to in using the Internet and social media.  Create your own accounts and friend them on social media to see what they post and what is posted about them.  Don't fall for their complaints that you're invading their privacy!  You are their parent, not their friend and it is your job to act accordingly.

Cyber-bullying has spiraled and spread in the last decade. You can find worldwide cases of cyber-bullying that range from elementary school children being mean all the way to harassment at the most prestigious work places.  No matter who the intended victim is, it will hurt and can leave lasting emotional scars.  

One thing everyone should realize is that cyberbullies are weak people, that hide behind keyboards and social media, to try and exert influence or pain on others they are generally jealous of or dislike. They are essentially cyber terrorists. So please take any case of cyber-bullying against anyone in your family, as you would a real physical terrorist threat, and deal with it quickly and decisively before it escalates to another level.

"Remember if you fail to plan, Plan to fail"

A Halloween Safety Checklist

(This is a photo of drugs made to look like candy)

Halloween is a fun and exciting holiday for children everywhere!  It is estimated that almost 94 percent of children between the ages of four and twelve will participate in Halloween activities this year.  Picking out the perfect costume, carving pumpkins, and trick of treating for candy, makes Halloween one of the most popular holidays besides Christmas.  But for many parents, Halloween brings anxiety because of the potential dangers their children could face, as many child predators use this time of year to try and entice unsuspecting children into their homes.  By teaching children a few safety tips, parents can ensure that their children have a fun and safe Halloween!

1. NEVER allow young children to go out alone!  Even if they want to go with a group of their friends, young children under the age of 12 should ALWAYS be accompanied by an adult.  Older children should go as a group and stay together at ALL times!
2. Choose light or brightly colored flame retardant costumes, so the child can be seen by drivers.  Add reflective tape and have them carry a glow stick or flashlight to increase visibility.  Choose face paint instead of masks, so that the child's vision won't be obstructed.
3. Only trick or treat in familiar neighborhoods with well-lit streets.  Avoid dark streets and secluded homes.
4. ALWAYS walk a young child to the door to receive their goodies, and NEVER allow a child to enter someone's home for any reason.
5. Children should be taught to walk on the sidewalks and use crosswalks.  Children under 12 should not cross the street without an adult.
6. If your child is going as part of a group, make sure they know their home phone number and address in case they become separated from the group.  Check to see if someone in the group has a cell phone.  Also, teach them how to properly call 911.
7. Teach your child not to approach anyone in a vehicle who tries to call out to them.  Tell them to back away from the car and quickly go towards the nearest adult with children.
8. Tell them to scream loudly, "Kidnapper! Call the Police!  Someone please help me!" if someone tries to grab them away from their group.  This will garner the attention of all adults within earshot.  Also, have someone in the group carry a loud whistle to blow if they are attacked, and tell all of the kids to yell for help and fight back if someone is trying to abduct one of them.
9. Instead of going house to house on unfamiliar streets, consider organizing a block party with your neighbors where the kids could stay in your immediate area and have fun.
10. Check all of your child's treats for signs of tampering, before allowing them to eat any of the goodies.  If it is unwrapped, faded, smells funny or just doesn't look right - THROW IT AWAY!  Please be aware that there are unscrupulous people out there, that have made drugs that look like candy and could make your kid seriously sick or worse.

Child safety is important every day of the year, and parents should be vigilant at all times.  But on a night like Halloween, parents really need to be aware of their surroundings, and know that some child predators have planned for months on how they will take advantage of a child.  Many police agencies visit known sex offenders prior to Halloween night to remind them not to decorate or give out candy.  Sadly, not all sex offenders are properly registered and some will slip through the cracks waiting to strike again.

Does Your Child Walk From School Alone?

Unfortunately, everyday thousands of children have to walk home from school alone.  Parents are not always able to pick their child up from school or the child has to walk a good distance from a bus stop.  No matter what the circumstance is that causes your child to have to walk alone, please teach them the following steps to stay safe on their journey:

• First, your child should try to make friends with another child or group of children that are walking the same route.  Teach them that there is safety in numbers.  This rule applies whether they are going to the restroom at school, walking home, going to the mall, etc.
• Check with a neighbor and see if they are available to pick your child up or at least check in with your child when they get home.
• Remind your children that adults should never ask them for help.  They are a child.  Adults should always ask other adults for help, so tell your child to not feel guilty about walking away from an adult.
• Tell your child if they are ever approached by someone they don't know (please don't say stranger*), they should remember the 3 B's.

• Get Back - As the person approaches them, the child should take 4 big steps backward.  If the adult continues toward the child after they have stepped back, the child should hold up their hand and loudly state, "Stay Back!"

• Run Back -  If that doesn't stop the forward progress of the adult, at this point the child should run as fast as they can to a safe place (back to school, a neighbor's house, library, neighborhood store, etc).  As they are running they should scream, "Kidnapper! Call the Police!" over and over as loud as they can.

• Fight Back -  If they are unable to run, or is the adult grabs them, this is when the child must fight back with everything they have.  You have to make your child understand that their life depends on this and they are to kick, scratch, scream, bite and do everything possible to get away. While they are fighting yell at the top of their lungs, "Kidnapper! Call the Police!"  This phrase is better to yell because it instantly garners any surrounding adults attention.

We mentioned earlier that you shouldn't tell your kids to never talk to strangers.  Why is this?  Most kids do not understand which adults should be 'classified' as strangers.  And if you ask a group of 50 young kids to describe what a stranger looks like, you will get a wide range of descriptive answers, but few will say it's someone they don't know.

Hopefully, your child will never have to experience a frightening experience like this, but you always want to prepare your child ahead of time for anything.  If you have discussed it and given them a plan of action, they are less likely to freeze and be a docile victim.

Remember - "If you fail to prepare them, Prepare to fail them!"

#safeandunafraid #mvacaunited 

Fire Safety Tips For Families

It's 3 o'clock in the morning and your fire alarm starts to beep.  You wake up and smell smoke.  What is the first thing you should do?  Is your family prepared? When is the last time you held a family fire drill?  Have you ever held a fire drill?  Have you planned your escape route in the event of a fire?  Why not?

Fires tend to peak during the months of December, January and February which are usually the coldest months of the year.  Home structure fires are reported about every 85 seconds nationally.  Did you know that approximately 3,500 people are killed in fires each year?  How many of these deaths could have been prevented had they practiced a fire drill or had a prepared fire escape route?  If you and your family practice drills ahead of time, your family's reaction time will decrease exponentially and every second counts!

When planning a fire escape route for your family, keep the following checklist in mind:

• One of the most important things you can do, is to make sure there are working smoke alarms in each room, and working carbon monoxide detectors on each level of a home.
• Make sure all smoke alarms are less than 10 years old, and are tested on a regular basis.
• Test the alarms during the night and see if your child responds.  Some children do not react to the beeping of a smoke alarm.  If this is your child, invest in a talking alarm that says something like, "Fire! Get up!".
• Draw a floor plan of your dwelling and mark at least two exits out of every room.
• Gather the family and review the floor plan and physically walk through the escape route with each child.  Make sure each child has a thorough understanding of what to do in the case of a fire.
• If you have multiple children sharing a room, assign partners to insure each other's safety.
• Teach everyone to touch the door and knob before opening it, to see if they feel hot to the touch.  If they feel warm, use the alternate exit route if possible.
• Ensure that everyone knows how to stuff blankets, sheets or clothes into the cracks of the doors and vents, if trapped in a room.  Also, make sure that they have a flashlight in each room to signal for help if trapped.
• Do not linger in a burning building trying to collect photos, jewelry or family heirlooms. NOTHING is more precious than your life!
• Designate an outside meeting place that everyone is familiar with.  Each family member should stay at the meeting place until everyone has escaped.  Some examples of meeting places might be a mailbox, the neighbor's house, a nearby corner, etc.
• Make sure that all of the designated exit routes are easily accessible.
• Make sure that your dwelling number is clearly visible for firefighters and all first responders.
• No one should ever try to re-enter a burning building for any reason.  Stay outside and alert the first responders where you think a trapped person or animal may be.  

Finally, it is crucial that home fire escape drills are practiced at least twice a year. The more you practice, the less panicked everyone will be when faced with a fire.

No one plans for a fire, but the better prepared you are when one occurs, the better your chances are of getting out alive.

Remember - "If You Fail to Prepare, then Prepare to Fail!"

Tips For A Safe Pokémon Go Experience

Pokémon Go has taken the public by storm and is the latest craze.  People are so hooked on the game that they are putting themselves in vulnerable positions, by visiting out of the way places late at night or alone.  Kids become so fascinated by the game that they actually forget all safety rules, and will talk to people they don't know or even walk off with them as evidenced in some recent videos.

Parents you must set firm ground rules for playing the game. It can be a fun family activity, but the when, where and with who must be established first.  Also, parents cannot just state these rules once and expect kids to follow them to a tee.  Parents should also consider having kids under 18 sign a contract with the rules, and if they violate any of the rules, their playing privileges are revoked.  These rules should also apply to adults playing the game by themselves as they could also be targeted by criminals.

Here are some safety tips to review with your children on a regular basis regarding Pokémon Go:

• Do not EVER sneak out of the house to go play the game without
  permission from parents!
• Do not let individuals you do not know use your phone.  If there is an emergency, you call 911.
• Always travel in pairs or with several people when playing the game, especially at night.
• Don't go to areas you're not familiar with, and always let someone know where you're headed even if you're with a partner(s).
• Remain vigilant about your surroundings at all times.  Do not become so engrossed in the game, that you fail to notice people around you.
• Be aware if individuals or groups seem to be playing everywhere you go, or are too close in proximity to you.  It could be coincidence or they could be stalking you.
• Keep your valuables like (wallets, cash and jewelry) hidden while out and about.
• Be careful of divulging personal information to people who seem determined to engage you in conversation.
• If driving, keep your door locked and windows rolled up, especially in areas you are not familiar with.
• Most important, trust your gut instincts about places and/or people.  If something doesn't feel right, get out of the area immediately!

Pokémon Go is a nationwide phenomenon that is meant to be fun for all involved.  But unfortunately, some criminals are using some of the  Pokémon Stops to commit crimes on the players.  Be vigilant, be safe and be aware that some may be creating or using false stops to lure people in for the purpose of robbery or sexual assault.

Remember - "If you fail to plan, Plan to fail!"

#safeandunafraid

What Would Your Child Do?

Suppose, despite all of your warnings and lectures about "strangers", your child was approached and grabbed by a stranger?  Have you prepared your child for this worst case scenario?  As a parent, you don’t want to think of your child ever being put in this situation, but your child’s reaction could mean the difference between you seeing them again or possible death for the child.

When you are discussing “stranger danger” with your child, please clarify your child’s perception of what a “stranger” is to them.  You may be surprised as to their description and perception of strangers.  A group of school aged children were asked to describe what a stranger was and their answers ranged from someone who is skinny, or tall, is ugly, is fat, is short, etc..  Not many children said, “Someone I don’t know or my parents don’t know.”

Even more disturbing, was a poll done at a children’s expo, where dozens of parents were asked if they had discussed what actions their child should take if grabbed by a stranger.  Not ONE parent had discussed this possibility with their child!  NOT ONE!!  Parents just can’t phantom the thought of something like this ever happening to their precious children.  And by the grace of God, hopefully it never will!  But, wouldn’t you as a parent, feel better if you know you had prepared your child for EVERY possible scenario?

Please teach your child this one simple move, and you may help them avoid becoming a victim if they are ever faced with this dilemma.  Tell your child if they are grabbed, to drop like a sack of potatoes, stay down on their back like a crab and keep their legs kicking towards their attacker.  While on the ground and kicking, the child should scream at the top of their lungs, “THIS IS NOT MY FATHER/MOTHER! SOMEONE PLEASE HELP ME!”  By screaming this again and again it will garner the attention of surrounding adults as not just another kid having a temper tantrum and make it nearly impossible for the attacker to pick them up and cart them away.  Think about…have you every tried to pick up a screaming two or three-year old laying on the floor having a temper tantrum and kicking?  They are dead weight and impossible to control.  Any child predator is more likely to run away and leave the child as this scene is attracting too much attention and too much trouble.  Child predators like to escape unnoticed and neatly.  This technique is also useful for women or anyone for that matter to avoid an attack or attempted kidnapping.

Parents must keep the lines of communication open and continually talk to their children about safety and being aware of their surrounding.  With the technological world we are living in, kids are too distracted when out in public with their headphones on listening to their iPods or walking and texting.  You must stress to them the importance of looking around and being present in the moment.

#safeandunafraid

Family Code Word

Have you ever been late picking up your child from school, sports or band practice, a friend's house or the mall?  No matter how early you leave to pick them up, you cannot control traffic and accidents.  Delays are bound to happen at least once.  Have you rehearsed what your child should do in these scenarios?  Would they panic?  Would they get into a car with an adult claiming to be there on your behalf?  Would they leave with their friends?  If you have properly prepared your child, the answer should be, no they would not leave that location without permission from me.  Or "No, they would not get into a car unless the adult has given the family code word."  You do have a family code word, right?

Starting at an early age (around age four), children should be taught that there are only a couple of people trusted and approved to pick them up from any location in case of an emergency.  These handful of trusted adults must tell the child the family code word before a child is to get into their car.  If the adult cannot remember the code word, they are NOT to enter the car!  At this point, every attempt should be made to contact the parents for verification.  You must teach your child to disbelieve anyone who shows up and offers a ride if they don't know the correct code word!

A family code word should be something the child can easily remember, but not common enough that anyone could guess.  For example, do not use any of the family member's names, the dog's name or street name.  Your child should understand that no one, absolutely NO ONE, is to be told the code word under any circumstances!  This is especially important to stress upon young kids who may want to impress their your friends with a secret.

If an emergency situation arises, and the code word is exposed to others when used, you should pick a new family code word immediately.  Impress upon your child the importance of ignoring the old code word once a new one has been selected.  Review the new word frequently and test the child on occasion to keep it fresh in their minds.  This activity not only reinforces the new code word in the child's mind, it is an important refresher for the entire family.

Always remember – “If You Fail to Plan, Then Plan to Fail”.

#safeandunafraid 

Safety Tips for Worry-Free Apartment Living

In this day and age, more adults are choosing to live in apartments for a variety of reasons.  These reasons range from convenience, affordability versus home ownership, downsizing because of an empty nest, and location.  Whatever the reason may be, here are a few safety tips to make your apartment stay as worry-free as possible.

While you are conducting your initial search and before moving in, here are a few tips to consider:

• What is the local crime rate in the area?  Use a website like SpotCrime.com to check out the area's history.
• If you have friends, co-workers or family that live in that area, ask what their general impression is about the complex you are considering moving to.
• Drive by at different times of the day/night and see what it looks like.  After hours, are there shady characters hanging out on balconies, in the parking lot etc.?
• If the building includes fire escapes, do they keep them pulled up and limit access from the ground level?
• Do the managers or maintenance personnel live on property?  Is there a contingency plan for after hour emergencies?
• Is there adequate parking provided for the residents and their guests?
• Is it gated? Do they provide a roving security guard? Are the entrances, hallways or breezeways adequately lit at night?
• Always visit the model of the apartment you are considering beforehand, and check if there are peepholes in the doors, adequate bolt locks and whether window coverings are provided.  Are kitchen and laundry appliances provided and maintained by the complex?

Once you have moved in, here a few things to consider:

• First, get renter's insurance!  This will protect your valuables in the event of a fire, theft or severe weather.  Most apartment complexes have insurance, but it's usually to cover their losses only, like the rebuilding cost of the building.  You can find adequate coverage for approximately $20 per month.
• A personal fire safe would be a very good investment.  This safe could be used to protect valuable papers, jewelry, cash and firearms.
• Insist that the property manager change the locks to ensure the previous tenants cannot re-enter when you are away.
• Keep your blinds or curtains closed at night to avoid prying eyes from seeing your belongings.
• Get to know your neighbors.  You don't have to become best friends, but break the ice so you are aware of who belongs in your general area and who doesn't.
• Park in well-lit areas and hide your valuables.  Don't leave cell phones, important papers, sunglasses, etc., exposed to entice a would be burglar.
• Use your peep hole, keep your door closed and talk through your door when someone you don't know knocks on your door.  Don't worry about being perceived as rude, as your safety is more important!
• If you work different shifts, and regularly come home in the wee hours, invest in a hand held pepper spray that you can hold while walking to your door from the car.  Better to be safe than sorry, especially if someone is monitoring your coming and going.

Just remember, living in an apartment is similar to living in a house and the same precautions you would take with a residential home are the same for living in an apartment in most cases.

Be aware and be vigilant whenever you are entering and leaving, and stay cognizant of the people living around you and their activities.  If something or someone makes you uneasy, report your concerns to the management company and let them investigate further.  There is no such thing, in this day and age, as being too careful when it comes to your personal safety!  If you see something, SAY something!!

#safeandunafraid

Parents Please Be Aware of Teens Smoking Embalming Fluid

Parents, do you know what the drug "Wet" is and what it is made of?  Most people have never heard of the drug, but on the teen scene it is becoming increasingly popular.

"Wet" is a chemical component of embalming fluid that is combined with PCP.  This deadly and highly additive combination is then put on cigarettes or rolled in a marijuana joint and smoked.  Some kids have nicknamed it the "death stick" or "fry stick".

The effects of "Wet" range from hallucinations, suicidal thoughts and even violent outbursts that have resulted in users committing murder.  Moderate use can affect a young person's growth and development.  Other side effects reported are seizures, coma and even death.  This is not surprising given that embalming fluid alone can cause brain and lung damage, sores in the throat, nose and esophagus.  Embalming fluid is also very carcinogenic.  Users become hooked on the cigarettes soaked with the fluid, because not only does it burn longer, but they experience increased highs.

Parents need to be aware of any behavioral changes in their children and address the issues promptly.  Teens face increasing pressure from their peers these days to try various drugs and risky behavior.  It is up to the parents to keep the lines of communication open and have frank conversations about drugs, sex and anything that may affect their lives.  Don't worry about being perceived as "nosey" by your kids.  Your inquisitiveness may one day save their lives. There's plenty of time later to be their "friend".

#safeandunafraid

Do Kids Come With a Manual?: Ideas To Teach Kids Random Acts of Kindness

Do Kids Come With a Manual?: Ideas To Teach Kids Random Acts of Kindness: With all of the recent events that have occurred in our country, some children may be anxious or nervous.  The 24 hour nonstop coverage of p...

Ideas To Teach Kids Random Acts of Kindness

With all of the recent events that have occurred in our country, some children may be anxious or nervous.  The 24 hour nonstop coverage of protests, killings and violence is hard to escape.  The world they are growing up in has become hard, cold and frightening.  If we don't take a stand and advocate for change now, the future is looking very scary for the generations to come.  It is our responsibility as parents to help our children grow up to be better than we were.

Here are a few simple suggestions, you can do with your kids to help promote and teach them about kindness.  We must teach children when they are very young, about being kind and respectful towards others, or they may grow up and start to bully others that are different from themselves or be frighten of others that appear different.

• Teach them to say "Please" and "Thank You" to everyone, no matter who it may be, who does something kind for them.
• Hold the door open for someone walking in behind them at the store.
• Smile and ask how the cashier's day is going when checking out of a store.
• Bake cookies for your neighbors just because.
• Volunteer to help with dinner and set the table.
• Help Mom and Dad take out the trash or complete chores without asking.
• Buy someone they don't know a snack at school with their allowance.
• Be the first to say hello and be nice to the new students in their classrooms.
• Say "Have a Nice Day!" to their teachers, custodians and administrators.
• Donate their toys they are not playing with anymore to a children's shelter.
• Write a letter to an elderly relative or send them a post card.
• Hand out kindness coins or happy face post-its/stickers to random children when out with parents.
• Say "I love you" at least once everyday to your family.
• Volunteer to help at kid events.
• Drop off cookies or baked goods at the local fire station.
• Shake the hand of a police officer or military member and say thank you.
• Make hug and smile coupons for family members to be redeemed as needed.
• Most important, teach your children to "Be Kind Always"!

As you can see these are simple, very doable acts that may not seem grandiose in nature, but just imagine if a whole generation of children was kind to everyone?  No one can resist the smile or kind gesture of a child.  If more people made a conscious effort to be kind and respectful to one another, we would truly be leaving the world better off than when we first arrived.  Isn't that what parenting is all about? 

The bottom line is whether you are Black, White, Brown or whatever color, we are all part of the Human Race FIRST and foremost, and no one group is better than another.  Teach your child to be a judge of people's character and not their race, creed or color.

Remember - #Be.Kind.Always

#safeandunafraid

The SafeParent Application

Keeping your child safe is the number one priority for most parents. Child abuse cases are on the rise, bullying and cyber-bullying from other students is a daily occurrence, and an increasing number of cases involving inappropriate teacher-child relationships can overload a parent's child safety radar. 

According to the U.S. Department of Justice, approximately 90% of abused children are molested by someone already known to the child or family. The molester can be anyone from a relative, neighbor, teacher, coach to the maintenance man that fixes things in their home. There is no specific character traits to identify them.

Recently, there was a new app released, that could make it much easier to keep a child from becoming a victim of sexual abuse. The app is called SafeParent and it was created by Jeff Herman, a child advocate and attorney for victims of sexual abuse. Herman realized that children could be better protected from predators, if their parents knew how to recognize the grooming techniques of potential abusers and respond quickly.

The SafeParent app was designed to encourage open communication between parents and their child, and also to help parents be more aware of potential danger and pitfalls. Parents can take the quiz first, and then they are encouraged to take the quiz with their kids. Some parents may be surprised at some of their kids answers, and quickly realize that there is potentially inappropriate behavior occurring between their child and another adult. After all of the questions are answered, the quiz is scored on the SafeParent meter by calculating a concern score ranging from low to immediate threat. If someone makes your child feel uncomfortable or you are uncomfortable with them after taking the quiz, take steps to insure your child is not left alone with that person.

The SafeParent app is free to download and should be on every parent's phone. You can find SafeParent on Itunes or the Google play store. For more information about Jeff Herman and his law firm go to www.hermanlaw.com. For additional tips on how to talk to your child about safety and other child safety topics, go to www.mvacaunited.org.  #safeandunafraid

Tips to survive a mass shooting

Imagine sitting at your desk on a Friday afternoon thinking about the weekend, and suddenly you hear gun shots and screaming.  What is your first reaction?  Or perhaps you’re in a crowded restaurant and someone brandishes a gun and starts firing at the crowd.  Do you run?  Do you hide?  Do you fight back? What would your child do if faced with a school shooting?  Have you talked to them?

These are scenarios that most people never think about, and fortunately most will never have to deal with in their lifetime.  But as workplace violence and public shootings increase, everyone should take a moment to think about what would be their best option for survival if faced with this scenario.

As hard as it may be, parents need to have a talk with their children about what to do if there was ever a shooter at their school.  Here are some simple safety tips you can modify according to your child’s age:

1. First and foremost, stress that if they ever hear rumors that someone is threatening to do something bad, like shooting, they MUST tell an administrator, their parents, call in anonymously to a tip line, etc.  The key is…If they know or hear something, say something.  The life they save may well be their own.
2. Next, they should understand that everyone is going to be scared, including their teacher. But they have to be quiet (no screaming), so they can hear instructions from their teacher or administrators.  Parents should also inquire if the school practices lock-down procedures during the year.
3. If they are older kids, tell them if they can safely leave the building, without being detected, they should always take that option.  And please leave their valuables behind.  No one’s life is worth a back pack, purse or cellphone.  Run as fast and far as they can.
4. If they are unable to flee, lock the classroom door and turn off the lights. If the door has a door butler (metal hinge at the top of the door), loop a belt around it and tighten.  This will hinder a shooter from being able to open the door.  Everyone inside the room should get as horizontal as possible, stay calm and hide.
5. During the initial moments, someone should be designated to call 9-1-1.  Most shootings continue for 5 minutes or more before someone calls the police.  If you cannot reach a phone, see if anyone has a lighter that can be held under a sprinkler to activate the sprinkler system thus alerting the fire department.
6. And I cannot stress how important it is for everyone to be quiet and stay as calm as possible.  Crying, screams and the like will only draw the shooter’s attention towards them.
7. Even if the shooting appears to have stopped, everyone should stay hidden until law enforcement comes in to escort them out.

The safety tips for parents faced with workplace or public setting violence is similar:

1. Whenever you walk into a building or public venue, make a mental note of where the nearest exits are and any alternate exits.
2. Once a shooting starts, the first option should always be to flee the area if possible.  If you are unable to safely get out the danger zone, look for a good hiding place as low to the ground as possible. Women should take off high heel shoes or shoes that make noise.  Leave all valuables behind.  No purse, wallet or cellphone is worth dying for.
3. As you are looking for a hiding place, keep your eyes open for any items that can possibly be used as weapons.
4. Once concealed, turn the ringer off on your cell phone or any other electronics that may make noise and draw attention in your direction. Do not simply slide your ringer to vibrate because even that could give your location away.  If you are able, send a text to the local police line or text a family member and ask them to call the police for you.  You have to concentrate on staying as quiet as possible.
5. If you are in a room with a door butler, secure it with a belt.  Lock the door and turn off the lights in a confined room.  If you can successfully barricade the door, without making too much noise, then use this option.  Please understand you will also be blocking your potential escape route.
6. Use a cigarette lighter or matches to set off the fire alarm.  This will alert the fire department and also cause emergency personnel to be dispatched to your location.
7. If you are trapped in an office, try to conceal yourself by hiding under your desk or behind a file cabinet.  Be prepared with scissors, an ink pen or a sharp object to defend yourself if necessary.  In this scenario, the best option would be to try and attack as a group to overpower the gunman. You are fighting for your life, so fight dirty.  Aim for the gunman’s eyes, throat or any other vulnerable area you can reach to stop the attack.  Remember, you are fighting to stay alive, so don’t worry about what damage you may cause your attacker.  Strike hard, often and don’t let up!
8. Playing dead or pleading with the gunman should be a last resort.  In recent shootings, gunmen have shot “dead” bodies multiple times to insure no one is pretending to be dead.  Also, trying to engage a gunman by pleading is usually unsuccessful because of their state of mind.
9. Once the shooting has stopped, or if you get an opportunity to flee, leave the premises with your hands up in the air so the police can see that your hands are empty and do not mistake you for the gunman trying to flee the scene.  Listen carefully to all of their instructions.

School, public and workplace violence is very scary.  *Approximately one third of all mass shootings in the world have occurred in the U.S.  Pretending it doesn’t exist or thinking it will never happen to you or your family is no longer an option.  Your best chance of staying safe is to be alert to any potential dangers and be aware of escapes routes or hiding places when in public venues.

Remember, “If you fail to plan, Plan to fail!”

How to freeze your child's credit report

As of January 1, 2016, parents now have the ability to place a security freeze on their child’s credit report.  A security or credit freeze is one of the best ways a parent can insure that criminals or other family members will not be able to use or establish credit in any child’s name under the age of 16.

Children’s credit is especially alluring to unscrupulous individuals because it is a clean slate.  Stealing a child’s identity is easier than you think.  All a criminal would need is the child’s social security number and they can falsify any other needed information.

Where would they get access to this information?  The main culprit is through school related activities.  Registering for school, summer camps, insurance forms and other activities provides criminals with access to a wealth of information.  Even the IRS was recently hacked and millions of social security numbers were stolen from tax returns, including children’s social security numbers.

What can they do with the stolen social security numbers?  The thief will establish credit cards, set up utility services, rent a house or apartment or any number of credit dependent activities.  The theft is usually not discovered until the child is older and trying to apply for credit themselves, a parent happens to run a credit report or a bill comes in the mail in the child’s name.  The youngest reported identity theft victim was one month old.

What can you do to protect your child’s future credit?

1. Take advantage of getting a free report from each of the 3 credit bureaus yearly. To get the max value out of this benefit, space out the requests. For example, in January, request a report from Equifax, then maybe in May request one from Experian, and finally in September get one from Transunion.  This is a prudent practice to do yearly with your own credit reports as well!
2. Contact each of the credit bureaus, either online or by mail and request that a freeze be placed on your child’s credit file. Please be aware that it may cost up to $5 per bureau to get the freeze in place, but it is well worth the money.
3. When setting up the freeze, establish a PIN or password that is known only to you and your spouse. By doing this step, it will trigger an alert whenever someone tries to access their file or establish credit in their name. The inquiring entity will be denied and advised that the file is frozen. When your child is older and ready to establish credit, you can lift the freeze via the password or PIN, so do not forget or lose the information.  Put a copy of this info and the date established in a safe place.
4. If offers have come in already offering credit in their name or to stop future offers from starting, you can stop most credit offers by going to optoutprescreen.com or call (888) 5-OPT-OUT.

These methods may not be 100% fool-proof, (especially if a family member is involved), but it can make it harder for someone to ruin your child’s credit before they get to adulthood.

Child ID Theft Prevention

Most parents don’t think about their child’s credit file while their child is young.  Parent’s days are filled with ensuring their child’s physical safety and providing emotional support.  But with today’s economy making people more desperate and bold, along with the current laws regulating credit, more children are becoming victims of identity theft.

According to a study done in 2011 by Id Analytics, approximately 10 percent of children are victims of id theft or social security number abuse compared to less than 1 percent of adults!  Since many companies aren’t required to cross-check a creditor’s name, birthdate and social security number, it leaves the door open for anyone to fraudulently open credit cards, loans and other types of credit in a child’s name.  It is up to parents or the child’s guardians to check the child’s credit file on a regular basis.  Here are some simple steps to follow:

1. Contact the credit bureaus (Equifax, Experian and TransUnion). Ask for a manual search using your child’s name and social security number.
2. Watch for credit offers in your child’s name that come in the mail. This is usually indicative that there may be existing credit somewhere and should be a red flag.
3. Teach your children that they are NEVER to share information such as birthdates, addresses and social security numbers with anyone outside the family or without your permission.
4. Monitor who they interact with via text, social networks and emails.
5. If you should find that someone has fraudulently opened credit in your child’s name, file a fraud alert and request a credit freeze immediately with each credit agency. Next, call your local police department and file a report.
6. After the credit company and the police have completed their investigation, they may be able to bring criminal charges and prosecute the person who stole your child’s identity. Be sure to ask the court and law enforcement for a certificate of clearance.  Be sure it is included in each agency’s files on your child and include a written statement.

Child safety involves more than just a child’s physical safety from child predators and bullies.  In today’s technological age, parents have to be vigilant to the cyber threats a child may face when interacting online.  With just a little misplaced information, a criminal can wreak havoc on your child’s future credit when they reach adulthood and make their lives difficult.  So enlist your child’s help now, to protect their future, by teaching them the importance of information discretion!

What can a dollar buy you? A safer home!

Every year police investigate countless home invasions and burglaries. Sometimes, the homeowners are hurt or even killed.  Other times, valuable items and family heirlooms are stolen and lost forever.

In either case, how many of these scenarios could have been avoided, if the homeowner had just invested $1 to buy new screws for the door plates to their front and back doors? I would venture to say at least half.  Why?  Because, burglars are opportunists.  They like crimes of convenience and a quick entry and exit, making as little noise as possible.  If the door is too hard to kick in, or there are obvious cameras and home security measures, they most likely will move on to the next house.

So let’s talk about this inexpensive item, that will probably take you less than 15 minutes to install.  First, go to your local hardware store and buy (4) 3-inch wood screws.  These screws are going to replace the standard 1/2 inch screws your builder originally used.  You may need a drill to get the screws in because you will be screwing these into the frame and attach to the 2×4 studs.

Once these screws are installed, and in combination with a good deadbolt, you have just increased your chances that a burglar will become frustrated trying to kick in your door, if you are ever targeted.  Also, if the burglar is stubborn and determined to break in, this will definitely slow them down, draw attention to them, and give you time to call for help, get a weapon, hide or escape through another exit.

I don’t know about you, but I can’t see why anyone won’t run out today and install these screws.  Anything I can do to increase my odds of staying safe in my home, is money well spent!

Remember, as my good friend Frank, a retired NYPD policeman once told me, “If you fail to plan, then plan to fail!”

#SafeandUnafraid

Do you recognize the signs of child abuse?

Many parents are not aware that there are different categories of child abuse and neglect.  Here are just a few of the physical and behavioral changes you may see in a child who is a victim of abuse and/or neglect.

Please familiarize yourself with the signs and understand that there may be more than one type of abuse or neglect occurring within the home.  Be prepared to step up and help the child.  It is NOT okay to simply stand by and do nothing!  To report suspected abuse, call your local police department, Child Protective Services or the National Child Abuse Hotline at 1-800-4-A-CHILD and let them investigate.  You may save a child’s life!

Signs of Physical Abuse

• Unexplained burns, bite marks, cuts, bruises or welts on the body or face
• Flinches at sudden movements or shies away from being touched or hugged
• Anti-social behavior or withdrawn
• Problems in school or suddenly bullying their peers
• Unexplained fear of adults

Signs of Emotional Abuse

• General apathy about everything or reverts to infantile behavior (thumb sucking, throwing temper tantrums, etc.)
• Depression and loss of interest in former favorite activities
• Hostility or stress
• Inability to concentrate
• Overly anxious or fearful about doing something wrong

Signs of Neglect

•  Wearing unsuitable clothing for the current season or temperature
• Appearing dirty and unkempt or always hungry
• Frequently late or missing school
• Apparent lack of adult supervision and guidance

 Signs of Sexual Abuse

•  Inappropriate interest or knowledge of sexual acts
• Nightmares and bedwetting
• Overeager to please or excessive outward aggression
• Drastic changes in behavior and appetite
• Intense fear of interacting or being alone with a particular family member or another individual
• Trouble walking or sitting

Remember if you see something, say something!  It’s better to be wrong in a case like this, than to be right and do nothing!

Children and Bullying

There isn’t a school in America that hasn’t had some child experience a form of bullying.  You can also go to any preschool in a city and see what we call bullies-in-the-making.  These are little preschool children that don’t play well with other kids and they bite, scratch or hit their classmates when they don’t get their way or because they didn’t get a particular toy, etc.

Bullying can be defined in various ways.  For example, physically hurting another person by kicking, punching or shoving them, teasing a person unmercifully about a physical attribute or mental handicap, intimidating someone to do one’s bidding against their will or spreading lies or rumors about another person.  Cyberbullying usually involves spreading rumors or embarrassing information about someone, sending them hateful or racist messages/pictures via text message, emails, blogs or any type of social media.

Regardless of the manner used to bully someone, it is equally hurtful and damaging to a person’s emotional and sometimes physical health.  Here are a few things parents can do if your child is being bullied:

1. Please do not blame your child or tell them they just need to stand up for themselves. Oftentimes the bully is physically bigger and intimidating.  Keep in mind that your child is a VICTIM!
2. If the bullying is occurring at your child’s school, call the school and make them aware of the situation. Ask the school to define their policy on bullying and request a copy in writing. Also, ask what procedures they have to deter further incidents of bullying.  Make sure you address all of your requests and complaints about the bullying incident to the school principal in writing and make notes regarding any conversations regarding the situation between you and any school official.
3. If the bullying occurs again after you have contacted the school, report the incidents to law enforcement. If your child has been physically assaulted or threatened with bodily harm, you should report the incident to law enforcement regardless of the school’s position.
4. Tell your child that they are not being a ‘snitch’ or tattle telling if someone is bullying. Assure them that there is nothing wrong with them, it is the bully who has a problem.
5. Encourage your child to stay with groups of people and try not to be alone. Bullies like to strike when there’s no one around to stand up for their victim.  Encourage your child to join a club at school if they’re having trouble making friends so they will not be perceived as being a ‘loner.’

While forms of bullying have been around since the beginning of time, it’s time to step up and take a stand against bullying.  Encourage your child’s school to implement and enforce an anti-bullying program.  Children that are introduced to anti-bullying material at younger ages, tend to not bully others as they grow older.  Help implement ‘Kindness Clubs’ or have your community sponsor a ‘Random Acts of Kindness Week’ to get children and their parents in the mindset of giving and kindness. 

The bottom line is – Bullying is unacceptable and can cause lifelong emotional scars if it is not addressed promptly and in the proper manner.

Tips for Parents to Help Prevent Child Abuse

The last thing parents want to have to think about is the fact that there are sick people in the world, that will do perverted things to children.  They think that if they keep their child with them or family, no harm will ever come to them.

But, a child has to go to school, to the babysitter’s house or play sports.  These areas are supposed to be “safe zones”, but sometimes they provide prime opportunities for a child predator to strike.  Statistics show an increasing problem – 1 in 3 girls and 1 in 7 boys will be molested by their 18th birthday and approximately 85% of the children will already know their attacker.

1. First and most important, teach your children it is never okay to keep secrets from you!  Don’t even encourage secrets within your family unit, and let them know they can tell you anything.
2. Talk to your child, and really listen everyday!  Too many parents get wrapped up in their daily work drama, or other distractions, to fully focus on what their child is saying.  If you don’t listen to the little things now, they won’t tell you the big things later!
3. Teach your children, that they are not to blindly obey everything an adult tells them to do, especially if it feels wrong.  Let them know, that most adults are good people and would never hurt them, but there are a few that don’t have their best interest in mind.  Tell them if someone makes them feel funny or uncomfortable, to let you know immediately!
4. Please teach your child the correct names for their body parts, even if you use nicknames within the family.  Teach them the difference between good and bad touching.  Explain that a doctor or nurse may have to examine their bodies to see what’s wrong if they’re sick, but it’s not alright for another adult to touch their private parts.  Define private parts as all areas that a bathing suit would cover.  If an adult tries to touch them there say, “NO!”, push them away, and tell a trusted adult or parent right away.
5. Please do not rely on telling your child, “Don’t talk to strangers” to keep them safe!  It does not work, because studies have shown that children aren’t always sure who to classify as a stranger.
6. Finally, schedule “what if” game time with your child.  Describe different scenarios a child might find themselves in, and ask your child how they would handle the situation.  Make sure you balance the scenarios between good and bad situations.  By practicing these scenarios, children will have a reference of what they should do if one of these situations arises in the future.

The most important thing a parent must do is to stay vigilant and keep the lines of communication open!

How to bring up safety tips with your child

Parents of small children share a common fear when it comes to discussing “stranger danger” and personal safety with their children. Even when their child becomes a preteen or teenager, some parents still hesitate to discuss unsafe scenarios with their child.  Why?  They are afraid of scaring their children or exposing them to “worldly affairs” too soon.

What is too soon?  It will vary from child to child and unless your child displaying some unnatural fear of everyday realities, a child as young as 3 years old can be taught about personal safety without making it scary.  The most important thing to remember is to make it a matter of fact type of conversation and remain calm but direct.

The key to teaching personal safety to children is repetition.  A parent or care giver must go over the lessons being taught on a regular basis.  The safety lessons should not last more than 10-15 minutes, because will start to tune you out if it goes much longer than that.

Here are some suggested conversation starters that are very simple:

• What are your friends’ names and where do they live?  It is surprising how many parents can’t tell you who their children are friends with and/or where they live.  Young children may not always be able to give you a street address, but they quickly figure out if their best bud lives in the vicinity.  It is up to you as the parent to meet their friends, arrange to meet the parents, determine if play dates would be appropriate, etc.  Arrange to meet the parents during a play date at a neutral location and don’t be afraid to ask questions.  You should feel comfortable that the kids and parents your child will be exposed to will be an asset to your child’s well-being.  If you do not feel comfortable with the parents and/or child, then insist that your child end the friendship immediately.  Period. End of story.
• Stress the importance of NEVER keeping secrets with strangers and other adults.  Keeping secrets is a common tactic child predators use to “groom” a child for abuse.  The predator will start with small, simple things like letting them play a video game you wouldn’t approve of or eating candy and treats that Mom wouldn’t give them.  Then, when the child becomes comfortable keeping small secrets, they will begin to introduce them to more sinister scenarios.  The predators will often blackmail or intimidate the child into staying quiet.  They will threaten to harm the child’s parents or the child themselves.  Your child should always feel comfortable enough to come to you when someone makes them uncomfortable, asks them to keep a secret or gets too personal with them.  Make sure you always take time to listen to the small things, because if you don’t, they won’t come to you with the big things when they get older.
• If they are attending an activity with their friends or classmates, they should understand that they must NEVER wander off alone.  This rule includes going to the restroom.  They should always take at least one friend, to “stand guard” as this will reduce the chance of them being abducted or molested.  Predators look for children that are alone and not paying attention.  Teach them that there is safety in numbers.
• Develop a family code word and NEVER reveal it to your friends or anyone outside of the family.  The family code word is word known only to your immediate family that must be given if there were an emergency situation and another adult had to pick up your child for transportation.  Teach your child that in addition to being given the code word, they should try and contact you on your cell phone if they still aren’t sure about the situation.  Teach your child to trust their instincts.  Children must understand that they are never to tell their code word to anyone!

These are just a few conversation starters.  We will revisit this subject from time to time to give you additional suggestions.  As your child masters these beginning safety tips, you should add additional rules.

The most important thing to remember is…you must practice, practice, practice these scenarios and other with your kids on a regular basis.  Some parents have developed a habit of reviewing the rules at breakfast/dinner or before bed.  Other parents have made it a game where they give out stars to be redeemed for a future treat or prize.  It doesn’t matter what method you use, just be consistent with the lessons.  Studies have proven that lessons taught by a child’s parent, sink in better than those taught by anyone else, including school safety officers/teachers, police, crime fighters, etc.