Parents of small children share a common fear when it comes to discussing “stranger danger” and personal safety with their children. Even when their child becomes a preteen or teenager, some parents still hesitate to discuss unsafe scenarios with their child. Why? They are afraid of scaring their children or exposing them to “worldly affairs” too soon.
What is too soon? It will vary from child to child and unless your child displaying some unnatural fear of everyday realities, a child as young as 3 years old can be taught about personal safety without making it scary. The most important thing to remember is to make it a matter of fact type of conversation and remain calm but direct.
The key to teaching personal safety to children is repetition. A parent or care giver must go over the lessons being taught on a regular basis. The safety lessons should not last more than 10-15 minutes, because will start to tune you out if it goes much longer than that.
Here are some suggested conversation starters that are very simple:
- What are your friends’ names and where do they live? It is surprising how many parents can’t tell you who their children are friends with and/or where they live. Young children may not always be able to give you a street address, but they quickly figure out if their best bud lives in the vicinity. It is up to you as the parent to meet their friends, arrange to meet the parents, determine if play dates would be appropriate, etc. Arrange to meet the parents during a play date at a neutral location and don’t be afraid to ask questions. You should feel comfortable that the kids and parents your child will be exposed to will be an asset to your child’s well-being. If you do not feel comfortable with the parents and/or child, then insist that your child end the friendship immediately. Period. End of story.
- Stress the importance of NEVER keeping secrets with strangers and other adults. Keeping secrets is a common tactic child predators use to “groom” a child for abuse. The predator will start with small, simple things like letting them play a video game you wouldn’t approve of or eating candy and treats that Mom wouldn’t give them. Then, when the child becomes comfortable keeping small secrets, they will begin to introduce them to more sinister scenarios. The predators will often blackmail or intimidate the child into staying quiet. They will threaten to harm the child’s parents or the child themselves. Your child should always feel comfortable enough to come to you when someone makes them uncomfortable, asks them to keep a secret or gets too personal with them. Make sure you always take time to listen to the small things, because if you don’t, they won’t come to you with the big things when they get older.
- If they are attending an activity with their friends or classmates, they should understand that they must NEVER wander off alone. This rule includes going to the restroom. They should always take at least one friend, to “stand guard” as this will reduce the chance of them being abducted or molested. Predators look for children that are alone and not paying attention. Teach them that there is safety in numbers.
- Develop a family code word and NEVER reveal it to your friends or anyone outside of the family. The family code word is word known only to your immediate family that must be given if there were an emergency situation and another adult had to pick up your child for transportation. Teach your child that in addition to being given the code word, they should try and contact you on your cell phone if they still aren’t sure about the situation. Teach your child to trust their instincts. Children must understand that they are never to tell their code word to anyone!
These are just a few conversation starters. We will revisit this subject from time to time to give you additional suggestions. As your child masters these beginning safety tips, you should add additional rules.
The most important thing to remember is…you must practice, practice, practice these scenarios and other with your kids on a regular basis. Some parents have developed a habit of reviewing the rules at breakfast/dinner or before bed. Other parents have made it a game where they give out stars to be redeemed for a future treat or prize. It doesn’t matter what method you use, just be consistent with the lessons. Studies have proven that lessons taught by a child’s parent, sink in better than those taught by anyone else, including school safety officers/teachers, police, crime fighters, etc.
