How to bring up safety tips with your child

Parents of small children share a common fear when it comes to discussing “stranger danger” and personal safety with their children. Even when their child becomes a preteen or teenager, some parents still hesitate to discuss unsafe scenarios with their child.  Why?  They are afraid of scaring their children or exposing them to “worldly affairs” too soon.

What is too soon?  It will vary from child to child and unless your child displaying some unnatural fear of everyday realities, a child as young as 3 years old can be taught about personal safety without making it scary.  The most important thing to remember is to make it a matter of fact type of conversation and remain calm but direct.

The key to teaching personal safety to children is repetition.  A parent or care giver must go over the lessons being taught on a regular basis.  The safety lessons should not last more than 10-15 minutes, because will start to tune you out if it goes much longer than that.

Here are some suggested conversation starters that are very simple:

• What are your friends’ names and where do they live?  It is surprising how many parents can’t tell you who their children are friends with and/or where they live.  Young children may not always be able to give you a street address, but they quickly figure out if their best bud lives in the vicinity.  It is up to you as the parent to meet their friends, arrange to meet the parents, determine if play dates would be appropriate, etc.  Arrange to meet the parents during a play date at a neutral location and don’t be afraid to ask questions.  You should feel comfortable that the kids and parents your child will be exposed to will be an asset to your child’s well-being.  If you do not feel comfortable with the parents and/or child, then insist that your child end the friendship immediately.  Period. End of story.
• Stress the importance of NEVER keeping secrets with strangers and other adults.  Keeping secrets is a common tactic child predators use to “groom” a child for abuse.  The predator will start with small, simple things like letting them play a video game you wouldn’t approve of or eating candy and treats that Mom wouldn’t give them.  Then, when the child becomes comfortable keeping small secrets, they will begin to introduce them to more sinister scenarios.  The predators will often blackmail or intimidate the child into staying quiet.  They will threaten to harm the child’s parents or the child themselves.  Your child should always feel comfortable enough to come to you when someone makes them uncomfortable, asks them to keep a secret or gets too personal with them.  Make sure you always take time to listen to the small things, because if you don’t, they won’t come to you with the big things when they get older.
• If they are attending an activity with their friends or classmates, they should understand that they must NEVER wander off alone.  This rule includes going to the restroom.  They should always take at least one friend, to “stand guard” as this will reduce the chance of them being abducted or molested.  Predators look for children that are alone and not paying attention.  Teach them that there is safety in numbers.
• Develop a family code word and NEVER reveal it to your friends or anyone outside of the family.  The family code word is word known only to your immediate family that must be given if there were an emergency situation and another adult had to pick up your child for transportation.  Teach your child that in addition to being given the code word, they should try and contact you on your cell phone if they still aren’t sure about the situation.  Teach your child to trust their instincts.  Children must understand that they are never to tell their code word to anyone!

These are just a few conversation starters.  We will revisit this subject from time to time to give you additional suggestions.  As your child masters these beginning safety tips, you should add additional rules.

The most important thing to remember is…you must practice, practice, practice these scenarios and other with your kids on a regular basis.  Some parents have developed a habit of reviewing the rules at breakfast/dinner or before bed.  Other parents have made it a game where they give out stars to be redeemed for a future treat or prize.  It doesn’t matter what method you use, just be consistent with the lessons.  Studies have proven that lessons taught by a child’s parent, sink in better than those taught by anyone else, including school safety officers/teachers, police, crime fighters, etc.

What Does a Pedophile Look Like?

What does a pedophile look like?  How can I keep my children safe from child predators?  Parents have pondered those questions since the beginning of time.  Unfortunately, there is no specific “look” for pedophiles.  Where are they?  Take a look around you!  It could be your boss, neighbor, random stranger on the street or sadly, even your own family.

Studies show that 85-90% of children that are victims of sexual abuse are abused by someone already known to the family!  I know what you thinking....I don't have any pedophiles around me.  No one is acting strange towards my kids or other children I know.  You cannot and must not ever get lulled into a false sense of security!  Pedophiles are extremely patient and will take the time to gain your confidence, learn your family's patterns and ingratiate themselves into your life.  By being the "nice" guy or gal that everyone likes and is comfortable with, they slowly start the grooming process with your kids.

Next you thinking, "My kids wouldn't let something like that go on without telling me!"  Unfortunately, under the right circumstances, they may feel like they don't have a choice.  The predator may be threatening to kill you or other members of the family, they may convince the child that it's natural and if the child tells anyone, they will be taken away and placed in a foster home.  They may ply the child with gifts, candy, or cool trips to places you either can't afford or don't have the time to take them.  There are even organizations where the predators pay for a membership to learn the "Lure of the week".

Child predators are patient, smart and organized.  It is up to you as the parent to be smarter and more vigilant about who spend unsupervised time with your kids.  Don't even rely on the old saying, "It will never happen to my kid."  That is the worst thing you can do.

Your kids are never to young to be taught about stranger awareness and other personal safety issues such as fire and pool safety, not keeping secrets, bullying and more.

Do most important thing you can teach them is to NOT keep secrets from you!  An open communication line is critical to not only keeping your children safe when they are small, but gauging what is going on in their lives when they get older.

Remember - "If you fail to plan, then plan to fail."

Until the next time...

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What Would Your Child Do?

Suppose, despite all of your warnings and lectures about strangers, your child was approached and grabbed by a stranger?  Have you prepared your child for this worst case scenario?  As a parent, you don’t want to think of your child ever being put in this situation, but your child’s reaction could mean the difference between you seeing them again or possible death for the child.


When you are discussing “stranger danger” with your child, please clarify your child’s perception of what a “stranger” is to them.  You may be surprised as to their description and perception of strangers.  A group of school aged children were asked to describe what a stranger was and their answers ranged from someone who is skinny, or tall, is ugly, is fat, is short, etc..  Not many children said, “Someone I don’t know or my parents don’t know.”


Even more disturbing, was a poll done at a children’s expo, where dozens of parents were asked if they had discussed what actions their child should take if grabbed by a stranger.  Not ONE parent had discussed this possibility with their child!  NOT ONE!!  Parents just can’t phantom the thought of something like this ever happening to their precious children.  And by the grace of God, hopefully it never will!  But, wouldn’t you as a parent, feel better if you know you had prepared your child for EVERY possible scenario?


Please teach your child this one simple move, and you may help them avoid becoming a victim if they are ever faced with this dilemma.  Tell your child if they are grabbed, to drop like a sack of potatoes, stay down on their back like a crab and keep their legs kicking towards their attacker.  While on the ground and kicking, the child should scream at the top of their lungs, “THIS IS NOT MY FATHER/MOTHER! SOMEONE PLEASE HELP ME!”  By screaming this again and again it will garner the attention of surrounding adults as not just another kid having a temper tantrum and make it nearly impossible for the attacker to pick them up and cart them away.  Think about…have you every tried to pick up a screaming two or three-year old laying on the floor having a temper tantrum and kicking?  They are dead weight and impossible to control.  Any child predator is more likely to run away and leave the child as this scene is attracting too much attention and too much trouble.  Child predators like to escape unnoticed and neatly.  This technique is also useful for women or anyone for that matter to avoid an attack or attempted kidnapping.


Parents must keep the lines of communication open and continually talk to their children about safety and being aware of their surrounding.  With the technological world we are living in, kids are too distracted when out in public with their headphones on listening to their iPods or walking and texting.  You must stress to them the importance of looking around and being present in the moment.


Always remember – “Fail to Plan, Plan to Fail”.


Until the next time….


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